I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You are nothing to me but just another target. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness. Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. CNN is reporting on all the world records you've broken. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness.
Concentric circles of fire engulf your city. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers. The force now propels you forward and upward. A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window.
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One of the workers falls over and can't free himself. A candlelight vigil forms around your house. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window. You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I hope you're happy with what you have done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt Now those kids are suffering without meals and there's nobody to blame but you. In the time that took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you've waisted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Im disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. We should put that joke in text books so future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. You're lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff.
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I'm so disappointed that society has failed as a whole in being able to teach you how to be funny. You've single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I'm not saying this to be funny I genuinely mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. 0/10 this joke is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn't even feel the slightest twitch. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke.
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